His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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