If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
