Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
