It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
