Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
ttyl tear gas
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
