Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
