I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
