I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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