For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
