I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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