Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
