drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
COCAINE IS GR8
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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