I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Randomize
