Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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