My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
