my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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