Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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