I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
