Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
