I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
