Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize