Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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