so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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