That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
