M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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