She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
