and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
