I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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