My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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