how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
