a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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