No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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