threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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