like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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