The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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