Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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