my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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