Kareoke will never be a sober sport
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
