ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
