erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
