Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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