i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
