so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
