i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
