its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
