Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize