i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do