dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
