Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
