i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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