dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
