she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
