Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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