'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
