His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
