I could make wine with my vomit
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
