the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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