WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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