dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
