I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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