so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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