You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
