jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
how drunk are you?
Several
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
