I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Soap is not a condiment
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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