Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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