Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
