I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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