We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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