Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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