wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
