So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
