Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
