can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
