I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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