Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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