The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
