Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
