i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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